Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
