you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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