when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize