I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
