love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
