dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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