if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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