look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
