Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Found your dick twin last night
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
