It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
