All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
