I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
