THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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