she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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