I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
