she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
