he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
