On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
