youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
