do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
