you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
