My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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