Define "chronic" masturbator.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
