there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I will be naked everywhere
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
