but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
