I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
