so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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