just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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