Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I will be naked everywhere
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
