our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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