So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
