just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
