He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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