i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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