You really coming over, don't trick.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
