There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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