you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
