i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
