did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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