Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
