I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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