Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
