two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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