i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
