The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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