You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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