how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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