so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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