Well apparently he's into motor boating.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
