I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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