Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
