fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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