I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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