She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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