Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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