Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
