Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
