The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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