You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
