Please, let me fuck your mom
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so let's talk penis.
We got so high we made milksteak
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
