tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
