i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
