He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
