Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
