nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
