every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
