she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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