someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize