my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
