She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize