sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
