Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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