I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
