Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.

(1-214): View more from Texas

we're not divorced.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation

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(334): View more from Alabama

How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.

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(613): View more from Ontario

We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.

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(347): View more from New York

I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time

(1-347): View more from New York

Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water

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(706): View more from Georgia

It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs

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