he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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