First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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