Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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