Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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