so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can you bring me the toilet please
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
