I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
