if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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