weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize