i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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