so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
