I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
