i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize