I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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